The Last Liberal Hero

People who have known me have always wondered what made me think of my brother so highly. It is quiet tough to put it into words the reasons why i hold my brother in such great admiration. And at last I got an instance that I could share with all...

This is what happened to him on Saturday. When he went out he was stopped by the KRV. Yeah, they have found their way around. They are now setting up tents around the city and name it after a god or goddess and shove an idol there just as a sanction to be there. He told me how, they were going around harassing people, stopping everyone and asking them if they spoke hindi. I was not shocked I was ashamed when i heard this, and my brother agreed. He replied to them in Kannada "yaake re..Noodidhre gothagalva naanu eellinavanu.. Naannu Kannadiga untha?" (stating that he was from bangalore and he was a kannadiga). The man approached him smiling to put his hand on his shoulders, and he did what I am so Proud of him for doing. He stepped back and walked away. "I wanted them to know that even I am a Kannadiga but I am not one of them"

Bimbos Rule!

No, this is not propaganda, its come to be a realization, a rather painful realization. I remember I famous Bill Gates quotes that says something like don’t be mean to the Geeks ‘cause they will rule the world. But recently I’ve been noticing one thing- its not the geeks who will rule the world it’s the Bimbos. For that matter even geeks love the bimbos, so the whole geek theory is invalid now.

Industrial Psychology states that people with higher intelligence suffer from lower Job Satisfaction. This applies universally, to the larger picture of the world and life. With intelligence comes awareness of reality, of the implications of this reality; from awareness comes depression. One such observation is made in the movie Into the Wild when Chris expresses his disgust towards “society”, stating his observation about how people are so F**&ing mean to each other so F*&*ing often.

When nothing is satisfying enough you want something to touch the depth of your soul. You look for it in other planes of life, in the realm of the unfamiliar because you are utterly jaded of the realities. The emptiness of the life, the lack of tolerance towards the way things are, the existential frustration and everyday is a matter of “Sunday Neurosis”

Ignorance is Bliss. When you have no idea what is happening around the world, when you have no clue as to what are the suffering of the mankind ( man being subjected to various troubles through various agents). I remember telling my friend that being depressed is the icing on the already awful life. While life is like the exhaustive task trying to cycle uphill, being depressed is like the flat tyre.

Bimbos face no such limitations; they are eternally motivated to conform to the clichés of what the world expects from them. They are not burdened with over powering thoughts of emptiness. They are foolproof. They are the Magnum Opus of Mother Nature. They breed and they don’t complain. They are the ones who have “plans”, they are ones who move up any ladder faster and they are they ones who survive. A very good example watch Roadies (forgetting the obvious fact that it has nothing to do with Real Roadies for course)-the Kolkata Auditions. I will take example of two girls both from media field one student of journalism who had the audacity to write in her form that gays are mentally retarded and one journalist who was a genuine person who seemed honest fun and intelligent. Who gets selected….yep the student of journalism who first of all should not be even doing journalism telling people that they cant make choices in life that is not “normal” cause that makes them “mentally retarded” So bye bye smart girl, you are not a roadie you are too smart to be there anyways. And I don’t even want to comment on the multi colored Bimbo freak who was selected too….

All this reminds me of one of the many theories that my brother has about depression. He thinks depression if the nature’s way of suppressing the unwanted by bestowing them with depression. This is the Natural Selection. This way depression keeps them down and the world can function the way it is supposed to, way it should. The world must go on the way is going on- there is no sense in trying to figure out the purpose or value of this world. We must surrender to the consumerist traps set out for us so that the world can go on. We must not ponder over the essence of our existence; we must not waste time questioning things and the way they are. We must just vanish into the eternity of the space without trying to change anything in the setting.

One Smokey Morning.

It was way past my sleep time range at 2 am when i tried to get some rest last night. For some reason I could manage to sleep or rather over sleep no matter how long I slept during the day as long as I went to bed in the sleeping hours range of in and around 11pm. My irrational rashes woke me even though I knew I would do better wit some more sleep. Two hours of disturbed sleep was not rationally enough for anyone to be satisfied with. I had left all the windows open enjoyin the icy winds of bangalore weather so that I could drown under the snug comfort of two blankets and sleep in late. All my hopes and expectations from my sleep came crashing down when my skin irritation had triggered off. There was something more that forced me to stay awake.

Having the last room of the house adjacent to a house that suffers bunch of loud mouthed barbaric family as its inmates; I was used to their early chatter, but unusually today at 4 am my room was filled with a strong smoke from the small house behind my room towards the corner of my room where most of the ventilation was concentrated. It was overwhelmingly suffocating, I mention this the way I do because I dont usually get bothered by smoke living in Bangalore and the way I do. I tried to get back to sleep in the hall but the smoke seemed to spread to all parts of the house that i even heard my dad cough in his sleep even if he was on the other end of the room. It was a abhorrent smell, thick cloudy smoke.

I went towards the back of the house and walked furtively towards the edge of the house to get a look at the house that was the root to all this smoke. Thick whitish gray scores of smoke seemed to be engulfing the whole area around the house. The loud mouthed family watched silent. The smell, it was repulsive just repulsive. You would wish for once all your nerves just popped out of your nostrils through your brain so that you wouldn't ever smell anything at all ever again.

The chimney belonged to what looked like an the old fashion bathrooms seen still in a few villages to heat water using wood. Its almost like an oven with a container for water right above a margin of concrete giving way for the wood to be put in and lit so as to heat the water right from beneath. I remember when the smell of the wood heating water would fill up my nose when we drank our coffees as kids in summer when we visited my granny's. But that was and still is a sweet smell of childhood, anything that went back to my memories of the time with my granny would and had to be sweet.But this smell, today, early in the morning mingled with the cold cold air of the city was just too loathsome.

Only few things when put on fire could smell this way: tyres of vehicles,hair,flesh. But the smell of tyres was not something new for us who lived in this day and age of India, with high development rate but still a considerable amount of things that are under developed-disposal of any sort of garbage for instance or should I say disposal of legal garbage. Was it something disposal of something illegal that was making this smoke? Like a human body. A wife who got saturated with her husbands behavior and indifference? A son who would gain something from his parents' death? A stranger who met another but things did not unfold the way one wanted? A hiding killer who after years of waiting, found another victim? An old witch who realised she was loosing her powers and wanted to regain it with a human sacrifice? A pre meditated murder, an accident, an act of self defense? What was the smell? May be just a sleep deprieved paranoid person wanted to amuse herself with a story before starting her day?

Close Encounters with the Reptile Kind

Today, I was in a hurry to finish bath and get ready because I had a friend waiting for me. Like many times before, I ran outta the bathroom with the energy of Disgust running through my spine- shuddering my nerves. The Lizard!!! He was there again. And like all the times before I tried to pour water towards him and at the direction of his escape and my relief. But he did not budge this time, he just floated on the water no matter how much water I throw at him desperately for him to get out. He looked stubborn and adament today, he wouldn't go out of the bathroom. I remembered watching this show on TV about how if you spoke to animals they would respond and about this girl who actually spoke to a lizard to get outta her kitchen and it obeyed. But that did not work with me still.

So I had to get down with it, he wouldn't leave without teaching me a lesson and I was still flinching looking at him. He looked at me and i looked at him, he looked at me like he almost won "Now you are going to be late!". I said "You know, You little bastard, you are naked so I will be taking bath, I dont care any more, I need to take bath" I was forced to carry on and I managed to wash my hair at the door end of the bathroom so that it would be easy for me to run in case he made a move. Now was the tough part I need to pour loads of water or take a shower for which i needed to go onto the middle of the bathroom. I ran to the opposite extreme where I could reach the bucket and still maintaining a decent distant from the disgustingly pale black eyed boy. "There, there", he said, "there is no need to over react now, you are as disgusting to me as I am to you, I fear you as much as you fear me" Still I would not close my eyes even if the soapy water burnt my eyes, I wouldnt even wink, all eyes on him. He seemed to be laughing at me. I was almost done, when he graciously decided to turn his back and get outta the little hole towards the other side without disturbing me. I seemed to feel like he had achieved something, he seemed happy and brimming with a sense of pride. " Ah, see that wasn't bad, now I will leave you to your foolish humanly routines, take care now, bye bye" . In comparision to all the lizards I ve seen, he was a lot younger and looked adventourous and naughty to me. He may have changed the way I thought of lizards now, but sadly I am still disgusted of them just the same!

I ve never been this ashamed of myself as I am now...for being a Kannadiga for being an Indian. Call me disloyal, call me treacherous- I rather be disloyal to a country that hold so much intolerance towards its own. Put the non kannadigas out of karnataka, throw out the biharis from Maharastra....what is this madness? In high schools we are all tought of this great nation that found its secular and united identity on a August midnight. You can not venture out of your own state hopeing to be welcomed or even tolerated by your brothers in the next state. Who are we? Are we just acting out to regionalism because it was deep down inside of us all the time or as a result of divisionalistic politics of this great democracy. I am ashamed.

Think about it, a 19 year old girl is already ashamed of her country, for many reasons besides this, what sort of an illusion are we living in. There is no "india", there is no "bharath", this is karanataka, gujrath, maharastra, tamil nadu, i see no india. It doesnt exist to me anymore. I wish i could baptise into other country like how one can to other religions. I wish i cold run away and never return to this place. I think earlier the youth went west ward to satisfy their need for riches now its time to leave for some respect for who you are rather than what state you were born into and what is your language. Atleast when out of the country people will see you as an indian rather than a kannadiga or a tamilian.

My shot at comedy

There is this guy in my class called Sebbastein. He is so stupid that if he was a Jew in Polland during the Holocaust, Hilter would not kill him and probably would have stopped killing all jews thinking he over estimated them. Wow! talk about people born in the wrong eras!!! :)

Generation gap is a neccessity for rebellion to be born

Anything fought for is better than, being born with